When I was four or five, we were at my Aunt Carrie's house. I think she was the oldest aunt that I had. She was my grandpa's brother's wife. They didn't have any children and were specially fond of having us around them. It was always fun because they let us explore the "stuff" in their house. I can barely remember that but I do remember being able to go through their junk drawers and playing with Aunt Carrie's buttons. Their dining room had a huge wood table in it. The house was small and I know the kitchen was pretty small too so we didn't spend time in there. They didn't have a yard so that's probably why they let us play in the drawers.
I can't remember anything else in the house but there was a porch. The house is still standing but has belonged to someone else for years. Now that I'm thinking about it, my sister was a baby about that time. That's probably one of the few memories I have of her as a baby. The only other memories I have of her is when my mom was pregnant with her and the other one was my mom's mom pushing her in the stroller in front of the house of the woman who played Santa for us. Back to the story...
Aunt Carrie was a large woman. I can clearly remember saying to her "You're fat." Simple words coming from an innocent child's mouth. Needless to say, my parents had words for me. My dad picked me up and took me out to the car and told me that wasn't nice to say. I didn't understand why it wasn't nice because she was fat. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to say that. Well, it was the last time I said it. I had to apologize to Aunt Carrie. Now I know that it hurt her feelings but when I said it to her, she turned to me and said "I know." Simple and plain, she knew she was a very large woman.
Where is this going you are probably asking yourself. Well, the tide turned and I'm now the large woman. For years, my mom would tell me lose weight while you are young. I blew her off. Many times, I have lost weight only to gain more back. The last time I saw my son, I was at the most I had weighed. Then I lost a lot of it but when I lost my job a few years ago, I gained the weight back. The last time I weighed what I do now was in 2002-2003. I'm trying hard and there's a lot more to go. I don't want my grandsons to say to me "Boy, you're fat." I know they wouldn't say it after all, they are teens, and almost independent from their parents. However, I don't want them to feel embarrassed because of my weight. Just thinking that I could embarrass them makes me feel bad. This is the year of change. This is the year that when I see my son and grandsons, they will be proud of how their mom/grandma looks.
I know weight doesn't make the person. I know who I am and know my body better than anyone else in the world. I also know that if I don't do something, I will die from my weight. My family probably would think this is kind of funny because I have no intention of every having chemo or even being resuscitated if my heart fails. These are life choices I have made. They weren't made lightly either. They have been thought about for years, probably about 25 to 30 years. At least since I lost my mom due to diabetes/heart problems and then my brother to cancer. Okay sister-in-law, remember I am ever-so-grateful that you had chemo. I can't imagine life without you in it. But for me, it's not something I want to do. But losing weight is something I can do. Because of my son and grandsons, losing weight has become very important to me. And I will do it. Just like I quit drinking diet pop at the end of April, my weight will be lost too.
Wonderful day today spent with my brother. The road trip was great, our meal was enjoyable, and the time talking together was precious. Supper tonight was a joint effort between my brother-in-law and myself. Just a fun day.
Back about 30 years ago, a college professor friend of mine wore two different kinds of earrings all of the time. Now I see that being done more frequently. It looked cute, kind of different, but very creative. Like anyone else who owns pierced earrings, you know that you lose a lot of them over time. It's hard to throw away the one earring you still have just in case you find the other. Well, I started my new trend (new to me) and am going to recycle these earrings by pairing them up. Why waste beautiful earrings because they're no longer a pair. Kind of like a couple when they get divorced, you don't get rid of one of them because the other is gone, you learn to do something different with them. So here's today's mismatch earrings matched. They looked great together...with the head between the two.
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